I have this ongo­ing con­test in my head about how many lbs I can lose before the next big event. Peo­ple will cer­tainly like me more if I’d lost weight since the last time I saw them right?

If I show up at a friend’s wed­ding 60 lbs lighter, I’d be able to enjoy myself and dance the night away, right?. I would not be so self con­scious about what my head thinks peo­ple are say­ing about me.

If I wanted to take pic­tures at the fam­ily reunion, maybe I’d be more com­fort­able if I were on the other side of the pic­tures, smil­ing in front of the cam­era instead of hid­ing behind it.

Have you seen the woman who can enjoy her­self with her loved ones no mat­ter what her weight is? I sure would like to find her again. This woman in front of me hides in the shad­ows, hav­ing mean­ing­ful, yet inau­then­tic con­ver­sa­tions with peo­ple as to not be in the spot­light. Where’s the woman who doesn’t care about what peo­ple think?