There is this rav­aging beast that is inside me…. no, it’s not my alter ego, it’s my propen­sity towards the big binge. I find that the more healthy I eat, the more I try to jus­tify this future hor­ri­ble binge that looms in the back of my head.

It’s weird…it’s like I feel like I deserve this big binge because I feel deprived when try­ing to lose weight.

Every­thing I’ve been eat­ing has been good for me. I am lac­tose intol­er­ant, so the creamy cheesy stuff that used to tear up my stom­ach doesn’t bother me anymore…I just choose not to eat it.
The over-stuffed, full feel­ing that comes from binge­ing only makes me feel bad. It sab­o­tages my work that I’ve done since the begin­ning of the year, and it takes me fur­ther away from my goal.

I don’t have the self con­trol now to be able to resist and be more free with some of my food choices. I know that with WW, I can seri­ously eat any­thing I want within my points, but I don’t want to eat a day’s points worth of pizza and then be hun­gry just a few hours later….(mind you, I’d be so mis­er­able if I did) 

I guess what I’m say­ing is I don’t have to be that per­son who looks at food like it owes me….You owe me for eat­ing well. You owe me for stick­ing to it. My reward is not a piece of cake. My reward is good health and I choose it today.